David and spent the weekend together and decided to do a little post Christmas shopping today on Walnut St. to see if there were any good deals. We hit up Banana Republic and the Gap. For those of you who are not familiar with Pittsburgh, Walnut St. is located in Shadyside, which is sort of the gay area of the city. Not that we really have a centralized gay area, but Shadyside has a higher than normal population. Walnut street is the trendy street to shop on and has several retail chains. It's not as bohemian as it used to be when I moved here ten years ago but that's another story.
We go into Banana and everything was on sale....half off till noon....and all the queens were abuzz about it. Twink city! Now David, mind you, is a size medium even though we are about the same stature and wear the same pants and shoe size. I think my shoulders are wider than his....Yah..that's it...I'm blaming it all on my shoulders! LOL I admit, that I could drop five pounds but I am by no means large. In the straight realm I get told that I need to put on weight. As we all know in the gay world, straight skinny is NOT gay skinny so in the gay world I get "oooh gurl...you need to cut back!" What a way to drive a person crazy....you're too skinny...you're too fat...you're too skinny...you're too fat! (and David Pezzula...I just KNOW that you are going to have some witty and sarcastic comment to leave after this blog!)
David managed to get deal after deal on some really cool stuff. Big Bertha here, didn't find a damned thing. We both laughed about it because EVERYTHING I touched was a size small. David walked out with a large bag full, and a big smile plastered on his face, and yours truly didn't find a thing! Yours truly, just puffed on a cigarette and contemplated her fatness. I said to David, "this place is not fat girl friendly!" As an aside, the very cute African American sales guy came gyrating up to us and told David that he just loved his shoes.....he was of course, the perfect size small! I had my Lee Press on's ready....this fat girl can throw down if need be. LOL
Off to the Gap we went. Same deal at the Gap....small, small , and smaller! David again, found bags and bags of bargains. No deals for this fat girl! I did find a really cool jacket which was guess what size? MEDIUM. David said, "maybe you can squeeze into it". I said, " baby, there isn't enough duct tape in the world that will make me fit in this jacket!" I got a chuckle from the petite retail queen manager. The same guy who was commenting on David's shoes showed up at the Gap. How ironic! I kept one eye on twinkzilla (aka the African American guy from Banana) while the other eye, still desperate for big girl clothes, patrolled the sales racks hoping that some little off the rack number would jump out at me. Actually, it was flattering....David is adorable and its nice to see that other people notice him too. I'm not the jealous type....well...to a point. Certainly I would have ripped Twinkzillas weave right out of her head if needed... :)
The funny thing was that we ended up going to Macy's. Straight people shop there right? Big hairy straight guys find deals there all of the time! I finally found a very nice Calvin Klein black winter jacket. No price tag to be found. At this point, David and I had been joking about my day of finding no clothes to fit me. The sales girl found the price.......full price...no sale! I swear it was the only item in the store NOT on sale. We both had a good laugh about it and David was sweet and bought me the jacket as a gift!
This fat girl is happy as is....fat girls rule LOL
Hon, someone has to be the backup for plowing the fields just in case the tiller breaks down. There's nothing worse than skinny and bland... and that's all you'll find in Banana. Give me a fat, colorful person any day over some skinny little twat.
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