The Trouble with Insecurity....

in·se·cure  (ns-kyr)adj.
1. Not sure or certain; doubtful:
2. Inadequately guarded or protected; unsafe:
3. Not firm or fixed; unsteady:
a. Lacking stability; troubled:
b. Lacking self-confidence; plagued by anxiety:

Its been a while since I have written about anything personal or serious on my blog.  I guess its because I have been somewhat uninspired and also because I have been also just sort of floating through and riding the waves so to speak.  Things have been pretty much status quo for a while.  My job has been low stress and I have been making enough hours to get by although I am certainly not living some sort of glamor life. School seems to be falling into place which is a great thing because I need this to get some security in my life.  Up until this point I have been going through the motions and not really being happy with things in the past.  I decided to take the proverbial bull by the horns this time and do something about it.  Graduate school will be a challenge but its something that I need to do for me this time.

Most people seek a soul mate to love them unconditionally.When we're feeling low, we often regain confidence through a mate's love and support.  Feeling secure in a relationship plays a major part in the stability of a relationship.

I started thinking a lot about relationships since some stuff came up this week.  I thought about trust versus feeling secure in a relationship and realized that they are two very very different things.  You can have absolute trust in the person you are with but still not feel secure with the person you are with if that makes sense.   Security to me means that you know deep down that at the end of the day you will always be there for each other, no matter what gets thrown your way.  When times are bad, or things are challenging you KNOW for a fact that that person will without a doubt hang in there because he or she not only  loves you but places enough value in you as person and in your relationship to want to be there. Through all the morning breath, and the bad hair days, all the roadblocks that life shoves in your way, that person without a doubt will have your back.

No one has a perfect relationship...and if they tell you they do they are lying. We all fight and get upset over dumb shit that you realize a day later never really mattered to begin with. That's all just part of being human. To me, showing someone that you are sincere involves always being willing to talk things out and not acting defeated and hopeless and throwing the relationship down the drain every time something difficult comes up. There is NOTHING that I am not willing to talk about or to work on when I really care about someone.

I have seen so many types of couples in my short life time.  I know people who are married and have been for 50 plus years.  I know people who are married who don't live together but are very much in love.  I know couples who see each other five days a week, two days a week, and even once a week.  To me, what matters is that when you do spend time together its because you enjoy being with each other. It should be something that you both look forward to. I know I do. I know that the other person is the first thing that pops into my head in the morning (right after I think oh fuck the alarm is going off) and the last thing that is in my head before I go to sleep.  That's how I know that things are right. It's also because I put the other person first.  I always try to consider them and make time for them because they are one of the most important people in my life. 

There are a few things that any person wants in life and in a relationship....

to love and to be loved back
to trust and to be trusted back
to respect and be respected back
to place value in their relationship and to feel valued

It all seems so simple...but its one of the most complicated things at times.

All I know is that I have found a great guy, whom I love, respect, and trust and I want it to last more than anything in the world.

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