Forest Rain

Just a little meditation video with some relaxing sounds....enjoy. It really does help clear your head.

Moving On....

It is said that the Buddha was enlightened while sitting under a bodhi tree in the Indian forest. For those of you who don't know what a bodhi tree is, you can see the base of one in the picture above.  Its a massive tree, with giant roots that twist down its trunk and root deep into the ground.  I cant think of any other place better to be than under a great, bright green bodhi tree in the middle of the forest with the soft, cool summer breeze touching my skin and the earthy smell of the damp forest floor engulfing my senses and clearing my mind. The sounds of the wind and rustling leaves, birds chirping, and insects buzzing past all blending into some sort uniform melody. Sitting amongst the massive roots of the great bodhi tree, its roots grounding me to the earth, reminding me of my ties to the past.  The same earth that has seen millions of years pass reminding me that my life is just a split second in time in the grand scheme of things. What a powerful image. 

I sat down to meditate tonight and put on a CD that I had downloaded a while back.  The CD is just ambient noise that was recorded.  Sounds of rain and water dripping from leaves in a forest.  What a peaceful sound.  I miss the sounds of rain and the fresh smell of summer and the dampness of the forest that surrounds most of the camp that I go to in the summer.  Rain has such a peaceful and comforting sound.

This winter has been a long one for me.  Long and tedious and dreary with what seems like unending amounts of snow and thick gray clouds that have blocked out the sun for months now.  I am ready for a change.  I am ready for spring and ready to move on....

After much though and agonizing over every potential outcome, and if you know me well you will know what I mean by that, I have decided to take another job.  I told my supervisor at work today and will make the general announcement at work tomorrow.  This was not an easy decision, because I genuinely do enjoy working with most of my coworkers.  I have grown close to a lot of them and I will miss them.  I am fortunate to have a very supportive boss who understands my need to move on.

Part of me is sad to leave my friends behind, part of me is a little scared to go out on a limb and take such a risk, and part of me is happy to be finally doing something different after ten years.  Its a big step for me.  So much has happened this year and so much has changed for me.  Some good stuff, some not so good stuff, but still changes.  As Buddhism teaches, life is in a constant state of change, and when we learn to accept that we will start to find happiness.  I believe that this is true.  Without external change there can be no change within. Without change we cannot grow as individuals.  Although I am a bit anxious about what the future may hold, it still makes me excited to move forward.  Maybe its a big mistake, or maybe its the best decision that I can make.  I will not know that until things progress, but I cannot sit static any longer. It's all part of the journey, my journey.  Its time for spring....time for a change. 

More of David Vance Photos

Heavenly Bodies by David Vance

I just read this on Felix's website.  Sounds like a pretty cool photography book and it focuses on mythological scenes and images recreated using photography.  Here are a few samples below.
You can purchase it on Amazon.com for around 60 dollars.

A Few of My Favorite Artists

Work by Felix Deon

A few years ago I stumbled upon some artwork on the Internet by an artist called Felix Deon. I have a thing for classical sculptures and this guy does a lot of homoerotic classical work all of which he hand sketches.  His stuff is amazing! In fact I own two of his originals.  I am providing a link to his home page.  Check it out.  The photo above is one of his works. His site also has bio info and a personal journal. 

http://www.felixdeon.com

A second artist that I love and who I know personally because he used to have a shop in Pittsburgh, is David Bliwas. David closed his shop and moved back to NYC some years ago and I miss having him around.  His works are great and are all photographic in nature.  He was sort of a mentor for me with my own artwork that I dabbled in because I always admired his style. 

David Bliwas Link to Gallery

A Weekend of Fun

 

 I spent the weekend with David and had a great time.  Saturday we were both a little under the weather but I managed to get a lot done.  I had to take my car to the body shop and pick up a rental so David came and got me in the morning and then drove me to the eye doctor to get a new pair of frames.  After that we both ended up sort of just vegetating for most of the evening and watching a movie. David had to work a night shift because of a call of at his work so he was pretty wiped out and napped most of the afternoon.  I watched a movie and ended up passing out at about ten with my head comfortably laying in his lap on a pillow.  We woke up late on Sunday and then had a very nice lunch at a Greek place downtown called Christos.  This was after going to Stagioni and to Six Penn with no luck on getting in.  Actually it ended up being the better choice since David had never been there.  He got to try something new and ended up liking the food a lot.  After lunch we went to a musical performance of Camelot at the Pittsburgh Public Theater.  It was another Ted Pappas production and his stuff is usually very good.  He also did Metamorphoses, Amadeus, and Cabaret a few years ago. I saw all three and one of my favorite actors starred in two of them.  Harris Doran, who is a NYC native, and who also happens to be SMOKING hot, was in both Amadeus and Cabaret.  The best part was that he showed up in a pair of ass less chaps in Cabaret and I had ring side seats.  Pant...pant....pant.  Anyway, Camelot was not a disappointment.  It was a very enjoyable show and funny at times and kept our interest throughout most of it.  Ill post a link at the end of this article if you care to check out the preview videos on the Public Theater site. 

Harris Doran

All in all, even though we mainly just chilled out for most of the weekend, it was still great.  I always enjoy the time together no matter what we are doing and sometimes just doing nothing with someone that you care about is awesome. Just time under a blanket curled up with each other and enjoying the moment is a wonderful thing and we do a lot of that.  I really have not felt so  comfortable with someone is such a very long time!  David is a great person to be around and he always makes me happy!  It truly is the highlight of my week and I always look forward to our time! 

Well, back to the work week.  Ugh!  I hear that there is some sort of scary ice storm/monster snow storm heading our way for the middle of the week.  Oh boy....another fun commute to and from work.  I cant wait.  Ill be driving the rental car too which is NOT like driving the Jeep when it comes to snow.  Hopefully the whole mess will miss us and we will just end up with rain.  I also don't want snow because poor David will end up working all sorts of crazy shifts again to cover call offs.  I always feel bad for him because he  really does work his ass off and I think he gets pretty wiped out most of the time.  Even though hes dog tired he still manages to find time to hang out.  What a sweetheart!   :)

 http://www.ppt.org/

Waiting for the Spring Thaw

Snow, snow and more snow.  That seems to be the normal weather forecast in Pittsburgh these days.  The last two months have not reached very far about the freezing mark and the sun has been nowhere to be found.  I think they said that we had four sunny days since Dec. 1st.

Its always this time of the year that I start to get a little touch of cabin fever.  The holidays are over and the long dark days of January have settled in.  You leave for work and its dark.  You drive home from work and its dark.  Everything is drab, white, gray, and brown.  I am so anticipating the spring thaw. I miss the sound of the birds in the morning and the sight of green trees and grass.  I am very much NOT a winter person in case you couldn't tell.

I have returned back to work and have been back for about three weeks now and things have been going ok.  A recent bout of cold has kept me home for the last few days.  Another thing that I hate about winter, cold and flu season! This winter I have settled down into a routine of hanging out with David several days a week which has been great.  We have fun hanging out and cooking together and just spending time relaxing which is great.  I guess that is one bonus that happened this winter, meeting David. I have grown quite comfortable with him over the last six months.  I think that a lot of the initial anxiety about stuff, you know the normal relationship anxieties, has started to die down.  I find that I trust him and that I worry a lot less about issues. I also find that the newness and excitement hasn't really died off for me which is a great thing! It makes it seem right.  So often you meet someone and its all fireworks and roses for the first few months and then things start to change and it dies.  I am happy that I still get that little race in my pulse when I first see him and that we still have a great time together.  I still feel the same for him as when we first met and to me that means a lot! I hope that it continues.

Relationships are a lot of work and you have to keep the fun and excitement going and keep it fresh.  That was a mistake that I made in the past, assuming that they required no work and that they just function forever on their own. Part of me still worries a little.  I want the fun and great feelings to continue.  It is something that doesn't come along all that often and when you meet someone special its important to hang on to that person and put forth the work and energy to make things work, especially when you believe that that person is worth holding onto.  That's how I feel, that this is something special.

I suppose that relationships are like the seasons.  Sometimes, winter comes along and things slow down but you have to remember that the birds and the green and the fresh warm air will return as they always do.  You just have to have faith and stay focused on the great times and always remember why you care and not lose sight of that when the not so fun times hit.

Vertigo and the Derealization . Depersonalization . Anxiety connection

This second video shows what it like when you have a attack of vertigo.  Just watching it makes me nauseous.  This is a very accurate representation of what I feel like most days.  It can be a very terrifying experience on its own and when you combine it with panic and feeling like you are in some sort of dream state its very very difficult to function much less to want to be by yourself.

Panic Disorder and Vertigo....

A couple of videos that explain very well what it is like it have panic disorder and vertigo.  I feel like this on most days.  Since its hard to explain to people what it feels like I found these videos.  Its not a very fun thing to go through and it controls your life on most days. 

Nuovo Cinema Paradiso

David recently turned me on to this wonderful Italian film that was made back in '88.  If you are looking for a film with some substance and real acting this would be the one to watch. 


During the 1980s in Rome, Italy, famous Italian film director Salvatore Di Vita (Jacques Perrin) returns home late one evening, where his girlfriend sleepily tells him that his mother called to tell him that someone named Alfredo (Philippe Noiret) has died. It is made clear that Salvatore tends to shy away from committed relationships and that he has not been back to his home village of Giancaldo, Sicily in 30 years. As she asks him who Alfredo is, Salvatore flashes back to his childhood.
The bulk of the film takes place in this flashback, which takes place shortly after World War II in the late 1940s. We meet Salvatore, the mischievous, highly intelligent son of a war widow. Six-year-old Salvatore, whose nickname is Toto, discovers his love for films early and spends every free moment at the local movie-house — Cinema Paradiso, where he develops a friendship with the fatherly projectionist, Alfredo, who takes a shine to the young boy and often lets him watch movies in the projection booth. In the several scenes of the movies being shown, there is frequent booing from the audience, during the "censored" sections. The films suddenly jump, missing a critical kiss or embrace. The local priest has ordered that these sections be cut out. They lie on Alfredo's floor. At first, Alfredo had seen Toto as a pest, but eventually he teaches Salvatore how to operate the film projector. The montage ends as the moviehouse catches fire — film in those days was made of highly flammable nitrocellulose. Salvatore saves Alfredo's life, but not before the film reels explode in Alfredo's face, leaving him permanently blind.
The Cinema Paradiso is rebuilt by a citizen of the town, Ciccio, who invests his football lottery winnings in it. Salvatore, though still a child, is hired to be the new projectionist, as he is the only one in town who can run the machines.
The film abruptly jumps forward a decade or so. Salvatore, now in high school, is still the projectionist at the Cinema Paradiso. His relationship with the blind Alfredo has only strengthened, and Salvatore often looks to him for advice — advice that Alfredo often dispenses by quoting classic films. We also see that Salvatore has started experimenting with filmmaking using a home movie camera, and has met, and captured on film, a new girl, Elena, daughter of a wealthy banker. We watch Salvatore woo — and win — Elena's heart, only to lose her due to her father's disapproval. As Elena and her family move away, Salvatore leaves town to serve his compulsory military service. His attempts to write her and keep in touch are fruitless; his letters are always returned as undeliverable. Upon his return from the military, Alfredo urges Salvatore to move away permanently, counseling him that the town is too small to enable Salvatore to ever find his dreams. Moreover, the old man tells him that once he leaves, he must pursue his destiny wholeheartedly and never look back and never return — never returning to visit, never to give in to nostalgia, never to even write or think about them.
Back in the present, we understand that Salvatore has obeyed Alfredo but is now returning home for the first time since he left to attend the funeral. Though his hometown has changed greatly, he now understands why Alfredo thought it was so important that he leave. Alfredo's widow tells him that the old man followed Salvatore's successes with pride and has left him something — an unlabeled reel of film and the old stool that Salvatore once stood on to be able to operate the projector. Salvatore comes to know during his short stay, that Cinema Paradiso is being demolished to give way to city parking lots. As he looks at the proceedings, he recognizes many of the people who he had seen in the younger days as a projectionist at the Cinema.
Salvatore returns to Rome. At this point in the 123-minute release, he watches Alfredo's reel and discovers that it is a very special montage. It is of all the kiss scenes that the priest ordered to be cut out of the reels. Alfredo has spliced all the sequences together to form a single film. It finally seems that Salvatore has made peace with his past.
The director's cut is about an hour longer and includes scenes where Salvatore reunites with his old flame who tells him that she indeed left a note with Alfredo explaining that she was moving to Tuscany and wanted to find a way to see him.  Alfredo never told him this nor did he tell him that she did in fact show up at the theater that night, but Salvatore was already gone.

This movie is very well acted  and the cinematography is pretty amazing.  It's sort of a rare film to find since it is no longer in print.  I managed to get my hands on it at a specialty movie shop in Bloomfield called "The Dreaming Ant."  If you are looking for any hard to find film or foreign film that will have it!


http://www.dreamingant.com/


 

Nuovo Cinema Paradiso

David recently turned me on to this wonderful Italian film that was made back in '88.  If you are looking for a film with some substance and real acting this would be the one to watch.


During the 1980s in Rome, Italy, famous Italian film director Salvatore Di Vita (Jacques Perrin) returns home late one evening, where his girlfriend sleepily tells him that his mother called to tell him that someone named Alfredo (Philippe Noiret) has died. It is made clear that Salvatore tends to shy away from committed relationships and that he has not been back to his home village of Giancaldo, Sicily in 30 years. As she asks him who Alfredo is, Salvatore flashes back to his childhood.
The bulk of the film takes place in this flashback, which takes place shortly after World War II in the late 1940s. We meet Salvatore, the mischievous, highly intelligent son of a war widow. Six-year-old Salvatore, whose nickname is Toto, discovers his love for films early and spends every free moment at the local movie-house — Cinema Paradiso, where he develops a friendship with the fatherly projectionist, Alfredo, who takes a shine to the young boy and often lets him watch movies in the projection booth. In the several scenes of the movies being shown, there is frequent booing from the audience, during the "censored" sections. The films suddenly jump, missing a critical kiss or embrace. The local priest has ordered that these sections be cut out. They lie on Alfredo's floor. At first, Alfredo had seen Toto as a pest, but eventually he teaches Salvatore how to operate the film projector. The montage ends as the moviehouse catches fire — film in those days was made of highly flammable nitrocellulose. Salvatore saves Alfredo's life, but not before the film reels explode in Alfredo's face, leaving him permanently blind.
The Cinema Paradiso is rebuilt by a citizen of the town, Ciccio, who invests his football lottery winnings in it. Salvatore, though still a child, is hired to be the new projectionist, as he is the only one in town who can run the machines.
The film abruptly jumps forward a decade or so. Salvatore, now in high school, is still the projectionist at the Cinema Paradiso. His relationship with the blind Alfredo has only strengthened, and Salvatore often looks to him for advice — advice that Alfredo often dispenses by quoting classic films. We also see that Salvatore has started experimenting with filmmaking using a home movie camera, and has met, and captured on film, a new girl, Elena, daughter of a wealthy banker. We watch Salvatore woo — and win — Elena's heart, only to lose her due to her father's disapproval. As Elena and her family move away, Salvatore leaves town to serve his compulsory military service. His attempts to write her and keep in touch are fruitless; his letters are always returned as undeliverable. Upon his return from the military, Alfredo urges Salvatore to move away permanently, counseling him that the town is too small to enable Salvatore to ever find his dreams. Moreover, the old man tells him that once he leaves, he must pursue his destiny wholeheartedly and never look back and never return — never returning to visit, never to give in to nostalgia, never to even write or think about them.
Back in the present, we understand that Salvatore has obeyed Alfredo but is now returning home for the first time since he left to attend the funeral. Though his hometown has changed greatly, he now understands why Alfredo thought it was so important that he leave. Alfredo's widow tells him that the old man followed Salvatore's successes with pride and has left him something — an unlabeled reel of film and the old stool that Salvatore once stood on to be able to operate the projector. Salvatore comes to know during his short stay, that Cinema Paradiso is being demolished to give way to city parking lots. As he looks at the proceedings, he recognizes many of the people who he had seen in the younger days as a projectionist at the Cinema.
Salvatore returns to Rome. At this point in the 123-minute release, he watches Alfredo's reel and discovers that it is a very special montage. It is of all the kiss scenes that the priest ordered to be cut out of the reels. Alfredo has spliced all the sequences together to form a single film. It finally seems that Salvatore has made peace with his past.
The director's cut is about an hour longer and includes scenes where Salvatore reunites with his old flame who tells him that she indeed left a note with Alfredo explaining that she was moving to Tuscany and wanted to find a way to see him.  Alfredo never told him this nor did he tell him that she did in fact show up at the theater that night, but Salvatore was already gone.

This movie is very well acted  and the cinematography is pretty amazing.  It's sort of a rare film to find since it is no longer in print.  I managed to get my hands on it at a specialty movie shop in Bloomfield called "The Dreaming Ant."  If you are looking for any hard to find film or foreign film that will have it!


http://www.dreamingant.com/


 

Seasons in Pittsburgh

Progress

Tonight I got my "e" cigarette in an attempt to quit smoking, or at least to stop inhaling carcinogens.  I hope that it works out!  Maybe it's a step toward something positive.  My day at work didn't go too badly considering how busy it was.  I am feeling somewhat better about things today. I feel like I have some more options available to me and feel way less trapped than I did before which is a good thing.  Better days are ahead hopefully.  During the last three months I have been pretty much incognito and havent spent much time with friends. I am starting to feel a little isolated.  A much needed reconnection with old friends is way past due for me. Better things are coming....or at least it feels that way. Hopefully the feeling continues. 

Meditations

  I have been feeling a bit down lately.  Im not sure why.  I had a great weekend with David although we did have a bit of a rough night saturday night because of something totally stupid that I did.  I felt bad about it and it was never meant to be taken the way that it was but I hurt him.  That upset me a lot. For me, David has been a bright spot and it feels so good to have someone in my life that I have become so close with.  I care so much and I would never want to put that in jeopardy.  The other night he said something that touched me.  He said that he felt like we have something special.  That meant more to me than getting six dozen roses because I have never felt very special in the past.  This year has really been a bittersweet year.  I have faced a lot of challenges.  Dealing with being sick and also trying to fix my life has not been easy but I did meet someone special.  A chance meeting that turned into something wonderful. All things happen for a reason I suppose. 

I sat down and meditated tonight....something that I haven't really done since I went back to work.  I have been feeling very stressed lately and it was something that was long overdue.  As I sat quietly listening to the chant I let the thoughts roll in and roll out of my head like I was taught to do during meditation. I started thinking about a ship floating out in the dark.  Some days I feel like that is what my life is like.  I just hope that things change soon.  This past year has been tough for me.  So many issues have come up and I feel like a weather worn ship being tossed about.  I hope that the wind and the sun return soon.  The ship in the poem is me.

The Broken Ship

 The Broken Ship

  Alone she drifts in waters deep

 Waters deep and still like black infinite space

 Drifting, broken, slipping silently at a wearisome pace

 Her sails battered, her hull listing, slipping forward into the black cold sleep

 Sails hang silently tattered as the winds no longer sweep

 Her spirit broken , her scars run deep from running the race

 Sinking deeper into the cold dark place

 A faint white light glimmers beneath the dark waters deep

 Faintly calling , sun filled whispers from the past, the soft white light grows fainter still

 Her war torn hull cutting silently forward through the ink black abyss

 Her sails slump silently in defeat

 The faint white light's sweet calls growing fainter still

 All is calm yet something is amiss

 The faint white light calls, endless echos repeat

M.Bell

More on Geomagnetic Pole Shifts

 

 If you want to know more about pole shifts....check out the article below.....






A POLE SHIFT IS THE LEAST OF OUR WORRIES

. Much talk has revolved around coming pole shifts on Earth, either physical or magnetic. Does the evidence bear out such an event happening?

An 180-degree physical inversion of the planets's solid crust around the molten core would be the ultimate cataclysmic "Earth change". However, more than a few experts find this scenario most likely only if another
planetary body - such as a 'rogue planet' or similar cosmic anomaly - passed in close proximity to the Earth, providing enough torque for such an event to occur.

A reversal of the magnetic poles is much more likely, however, as it's happened before. Seen in the paleomagnetic record, locked into rocks of the ocean floor and in some lava flows, scientists think the time between reversals on the Earth falls somewhere between every 100,000 to 25 million years, with the reversal itself taking about 5,000 years. [1]

Not that just the reversal takes that long, mind you, and therein lies the crux of the problem. No, during much of that time, the geomagnetic field strength decreases - which counts as part of the 'reversal' process. According to laboratory analysis of thermorenanent magnetization carried by clay baked in ancient times, the average global field intensity in any given region went through a broad maximum about 2,000 years ago. [2] After reaching a maximum, it then began its long descent.

NASA's Magnetic Field Satellite concurs, confirming a trend that goes back to at least 1830; namely, that the terrestrial magnetic field is decreasing in strength. At a rate measured by the satellite, the Earth's field will hit 'zero' in about 1,200 years. [3] That, at least, is the estimate.

One contributing factor to the decrease, and eventual reversal, may be intensifying core spots within the inner core that are magnetized in a sense opposite of the main field [4]; while competing energy sources, such as heat loss at the mantle-core boundary (itself possibly contributing to climate change) and growth of the inner core may also be contributing factors. [5]

As the field reaches 'zero', or close to it (some estimate the magnetic field will be at 20% of normal during a reversal), complete with periods of rapid and radical changes [6], something much more threatening than the upcoming reversal will occur. 

First, as the field weakens, so does what many believe is the natural navigatory force for many living creatures. Studies have shown that whales, dolphins, birds and even mollusks and mice use the geomagnetic field as a guiding device. Some, like mice, use it as a directional guide [7]; while cetaceans use the total geomagnetic field as a map, not for directional information, as we would use a compass, but by navigating the contours of magnetic "hills and valleys" in a field that is anything but uniform. [8]

Without it, whales and dolphins would beach in record numbers, birds and other creatures would be 'lost', unable to find their home.

The effect of a magnetic reversal on humans is less known. Confusion might reign, and some theorize a complete 'reboot' of the human mind - the brain IS known to contain magnetite - might occur. However, as the field decreases (before a 'reversal'), one could surmise what may happen by looking at a recent experiment by Dr. Valerie Hunt. Hunt had a room constructed in which the magnetic field intensity could be varied. The following, as spelled out in her book, ''Infinite Mind'', was observed:

When "the magnetism was decreased, gross incoordination occurred. The entire neurological integrating mechanism was thrown off. Subjects could not balance their bodies; they had difficulty touching finger to nose or performing simple coordinated movements. They lost kinesthetic awareness."[9]

Could our bodies adjust as a much more gradual, long-term but worldwide decrease in the magnetic field intensity occurred? That may be doubtful,  and if so then at what point near the conclusion of this pre-reversal descent would such incoordination sweep over the human race?

Not that it would matter for long. Now, as the Earth and its magnetosphere plows through the solar wind, the charged particles are diverted around a 'shell' created by the geomagnetic field. Without that field, high-energy particles - including dangerous gamma-, and X-rays - would penetrate completely, to the surface. If television or radio were still in use at that point in the future, transmissions would become impossible. Electric power grids would be off-line indefinitely.

And the effects on organic matter?

Gamma rays, because they are so penetrating, can have severe effects on the cells of humans and other animals. As with cosmic rays, which also bombard the Earth at all times, gamma rays are known as ionizing radiation, which can cause a host of problems from cell death to genetic mutations (leading to cancer), in any living thing. [10]

As was said before, the magnetic pole reversal itself would be the least of the worries, as it's unlikely future generations would survive long enough to see it.

Birds Falling, Letter Bombs, Dead Fish, and Magnetic Pole Shifts ..OH MY!

This week has been a strange one.  Dead birds falling from the sky in cities across the globe, dead fish by the millions turning up, and letter bombs in Annapolis.  What's next?  My friend David P. called me and said, "girl, what the hell is going on this week, everyone is in a weird mood!?"  I had to agree.  I have felt on edge for most of the week.  I know that a large part of it is probably from my return to work but it just seems like there is something in the air that is majorly amiss. As my father always used to say, it must be a full moon because all the nuts are out in full force!

Of course all of the religious crazies are starting on the whole end of the world thing.  Dead birds and fish must mean that the second coming is around the corner, right?  God knows that there couldn't just be a rational, scientific explanation about all of this! It has to be blown out of proportion and hyped up for news ratings.  I feel the world gearing up for another Y2K bout of paranoia.  Remember that?  People were hoarding water and generators because the the world as we knew it was supposed to stop in the year 2000.  I remember my boss back then was preparing a bunker with water and enough food to last for weeks.  The whole thing was just crazy.  What happened?  NOTHING. 

  Actually, one interesting theory that I read about all this dead bird business made a little sense. I also remember studying this in my oceanography class at the University of Pittsburgh.   It is a confirmed fact that the earths magnetic poles reverse every so often.  This has been confirmed by taking samples of lava flow from the ocean floor.  Lava contains a high iron content because it has oozed up from the earths core which is made of molten iron.  As you may, or may not know, iron is magnetic.  When you rub an iron bar on a magnet the iron becomes magnetized and the particles align themselves in a particular way like little compass needles pointing to magnetic north and south.  Samples of lava flow indicate that the earths magnetic poles switch on a regular basis every several thousand years and this is known because of the way that the iron particles in the core samples changed direction in different sections of the lava flow.  We are well overdue according to research. Some birds, like the common pigeon, use the earths magnetic field to orient themselves.  They have a special part of their brain that has adapted itself to do this. The theory is that if there is a shift going on that it would confuse the birds and perhaps cause them to become disoriented while flying.  A few things don't make sense though.  First of all, I don't think that fish have this type of brain function, maybe I am wrong but I have never heard of this.  Secondly, the magnetic field shift doesn't happen over night.  It takes several thousand years, so that sort of blows that theory out of the water.  My guess would be pollution or water temperature stress for the fish, and air pollution for the birds, combined with the fact that mass hysteria is being created by so much news coverage on the case in the Midwest. According to sources this type of stuff has happened in the past but was never hyped up this much in the news.  I'm sure that the conspiracy theorists and the religious nuts will all have a field day with this stuff.

As for the weird mood going around, I think that the midwinter doldrums have started to affect us all.  Its post holiday blues, cabin fever, or whatever you want to call it.  I know that I am tired of the cold and am looking forward to spring happening, when the birds start to sing in the morning, well, if they aren't all dead by then by some mysterious gas cloud, apocalypse,  or magnetic pole shift that is!   :)


To read more about magnetic pole shifts and how the earth's magnetic field works read this NASA link:


Earth's Inconsistant Magnetic Field -NASA
Bird's Use of Magnetic Field for Migration Routes
Alaska Science Forum - Salmon Use Magnetic Field to Navigate

Time is Ticking

Well, it's finally here.  The end of my leave from work.  A large part of me is very anxious about it. Sunday I woke up feeling dizzy and foggy again and it, as usual, freaked me out a bit.  I am so tired of dealing with feeling like crap.  I am not sure if it's all anxiety related or if its from migraines.  No one can seem to tell me.  I have had every test known to modern science and still no answers.  I think I am anxious thinking about returning to all the chaos at work and having to try to function throughout the day while feeling like hell.  Its very trying and adds even more to my anxiety. 

I want to try to cling to the things that I have learned during my leave.  All that therapy has to have some sort of positive effect, or at least I hope that it will.  I thought that I was ready to tackle this but I am having some major doubts right now.  I am not quite sure what I am so terrified about.  I mean, I have done this job for the last ten years so its not like I don't have a clue as to what I am doing.  I feel  a sense of loss of freedom from stress. The last three months have been great for me in that aspect.  Not having constant job stress hanging over my head.  No call to keep me on edge constantly. No crazy schedule.  That has been very nice.  I am also going to miss all of the extra time spent with David.  It was nice to be with him so much and to feel so at ease and so cared about. I know that we will still see each other and that I am being silly but still, I feel a little sad.

I managed to get an appointment with a new neurologist today at the headache clinic at Presby and I was very impressed with her.  She is the first one who actually took the time to go over all of my prior history and who had a treatment plan that involved more than just stuffing me full of drugs with a zillion side effects.  I am anxious to see if it will make a difference.

I hope to stay focused and to continue to write and to meditate....I don't want to give those things up because they have been so helpful to me.  I only hope that I don't get swept up in all the work stress again and end up like before with no time to do anything. I have a few opportunities on the horizon and I really hope that they work out.  It may end up being less money but for me the peace of mind will be well worth it. It's a start anyway.

Thanks to everyone who has been following my blog.  I will try to continue to write although it may not be as frequently as before.  I will have much less free time now.