9.1.11

Meditations

  I have been feeling a bit down lately.  Im not sure why.  I had a great weekend with David although we did have a bit of a rough night saturday night because of something totally stupid that I did.  I felt bad about it and it was never meant to be taken the way that it was but I hurt him.  That upset me a lot. For me, David has been a bright spot and it feels so good to have someone in my life that I have become so close with.  I care so much and I would never want to put that in jeopardy.  The other night he said something that touched me.  He said that he felt like we have something special.  That meant more to me than getting six dozen roses because I have never felt very special in the past.  This year has really been a bittersweet year.  I have faced a lot of challenges.  Dealing with being sick and also trying to fix my life has not been easy but I did meet someone special.  A chance meeting that turned into something wonderful. All things happen for a reason I suppose. 

I sat down and meditated tonight....something that I haven't really done since I went back to work.  I have been feeling very stressed lately and it was something that was long overdue.  As I sat quietly listening to the chant I let the thoughts roll in and roll out of my head like I was taught to do during meditation. I started thinking about a ship floating out in the dark.  Some days I feel like that is what my life is like.  I just hope that things change soon.  This past year has been tough for me.  So many issues have come up and I feel like a weather worn ship being tossed about.  I hope that the wind and the sun return soon.  The ship in the poem is me.

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