23.12.10

The Final Countdown.....and a Long Journey.

As of January 3rd it will have been three months since I worked and my leave of absence will be coming to an end. The last three months have been quite a journey for me.  I am very happy that I took the time off to work on many things.  My dizziness seems to be under control at the moment which is a good thing and I am feeling somewhat better.


Although it has been nice not having to get up and go to work, part of me misses the structure of it all.  I feel like I need something back....I need a routine.  Its so easy just to drift listlessly for a while, but then it too begins to wear on you.  I am not looking forward to returning to all of the craziness and bullshit that goes on at work, and I am definitely going to consider other options.  The last thing that I want to do is return to the same state that I was in before I started my quest. I think that it will be different this time....I feel like a part of me has changed. I will no longer let it consume me.

In the the last three months a lot has happened, and I learned a lot on my journey to fix myself ,so I cant say that all this free time has been a waste.  Quite the opposite.  I have gone through therapy and have tried to come up with ways to control my anxiety.  I have learned a ton about meditation and found a whole new philosophy on life, one that had been staring me in the face for years, Buddhism. I learned who my true friends are and have grown closer to some people who I had overlooked before.  I thought a lot about love and what it means to really love someone.  I met someone wonderful who has become a very big part of my life and who has made me feel things that I haven't felt in a very very long time.  I went on a spiritual retreat and met a large group of wonderful guys and had one of the most mind blowing spiritual experiences of my life.  I learned that sometimes all of the bullshit that happens to you happens for a reason and that you can use that as a gift to relate to others who need support.  The list goes on....

I wanted to say thank you to all of you who have been so supportive.  Thank you to my boss, Jim, who was so understanding about everything.  Thank you to Janice for dealing with all the extra work during my absence and for checking in on me. Thank you to my coworkers who have shown constant concern.  Thank you to Dan for dealing with the rough financial issues and for trying to understand. Thank you to David Pezzula for being the voice in the dark.  Thank you to Alan for being a wonderful friend and listening to me even though he had his own sadness to deal with. Thank you to David for loving me so much and for making me feel alive again. Thank you to Steve and Marlon for being my mentors. Thank you to my brothers at Body Electric for helping me find my way.  I owe all of you a lot!
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This  chapter of my journey has come to an end but there are still many more chapters to be written.....

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